Snow day.

Our first day of doggy school was cancelled due to the dramatic snowstorm still raging outside. Although we were prepared to go, and Duke most docile due to last night’s rude midnight awakening after a dinner outing, it was not meant to be. I now again have 60 pounds of snore in my lap as I read a book and watch the wind and flakes whip around my house.

The house is very still and quiet. We have been given the privilege and curse of an internet free home for a week, due to a lapsed Rogers account and a prolonged wait for Teksavvy. So until between 2 and 5 this evening, I can’t do school, we can’t watch stupid tv and we can’t mindlessly browse websites for mindless content.

It is silent except for the ticking clock and the snuffly dog snores. DP has returned to bed to drowsily doze, luxuriating in his having to nowhere to be for the first time in a hectic workweek. Because of the snow, it seems pointless to get groceries. I am at the point now where I refuse to brush off the car twice for one errand. I will wait, as the rest of the city will wait, for spring.

Happy 2014 my dears.

I am sitting here in my jammies after a morning of Caesars, and now settling down for an afternoon of Winter Classic. My DP is snoozing, although he had many different big intentions, but it’s an afternoon at home, as I expected.
There’s something truly magnificent in seeing all these gorgeous Canadians sitting in the snow, big time, on the first day of the new year. They are all bundled up and bracing against the cold, for the sake of the game.
I am thoughtful about what the New Year brings for me. I think the biggest and somewhat most central of resolutions, that I can be moved to make at this moment, is to truly have your people in your corner. Regardless of how similar or dissimilar to you they may seem, everyone deserves someone in their corner. It’s just a real blessing to have connection, to feel connection with another person, stranger or otherwise. So I challenge all of us to just relax and feel totally fulfilled for just having loved ones in your life, for having to opportunity to reach out and touch someone you barely know, or just extend the biggest gratitude from your heart in the moments that are the most truthfully poignant in your life, good or perhaps not always as good.

No judgement, pure support, pure openheartedness to all in 2014.

Solo Hike at Pink Lake

• 

  

  

  
  

  

  

  

  
  

  

  

  

  
  

So, as every young woman who has read Wild by Cheryl Strayed, I now feel the meaning of my life will come to me through hiking. So much so, I apporached the situation as any male would, and bought the $$ gear $$ before I had ever attempted a hike. All I knew is that I wanted Merrells, and I got them, and they’ve been sitting in a shoebox in my pseudo-closet for much too long.

Sunday afternoon rolls around and I figure hey, I’m alone and lonely, what better thing to do than commune with nature and feel as one with something larger than myself. I Google Map an area called Stony Swamp, drive south, and begin my walk. Wildflowers, check. Tall grasses check. Zillions of dogs…WTF. I had managed to go to Conroy Pit, which is 100% a dog park. Without a canine companion, I feel quite naked and strange, and am losing my confidence quickly. A red dog senses my weakness (as redheads are wont to do) and proceeds to maul me down one side as her owner chats with another dog owner about their precious companions, oblivious (as dog owners as wont to do).

So I boogie on out of there, dusting off my arms and wounded pride, and proceed to search for dog-less trails. This is hard to do in Ontario, so I end up going for Pink Lake, in Gatineau Park, which is one of the places I had been told to visit anyhow, so it was sort of destiny. As soon as I am on the trail, I see a little dog bum waddling up the hill. Dear Lord. As a perpetual rule-follower, I was agitated by the dog-walkers who had so clearly ignored the information I had relied on. I ended up right behind these two women with their dogs and to make matters worse, this fat old Bull Terrier couldn’t manage the stairs that were being asked of him. I was on a dog-free trail, seeking meaning in my existence, and was forced to slow, wait and stare at a struggling little dog bum.

This is heart-breaking as a dog owner of yesteryear. Seeing a little munchkin be asked by his selfish owner to climb one flight of stairs is one thing, but this was only the beginning of the trail, and there were many many more trails to be seen. She finally picked up the trembling little thing and started to carry him. I thought, this can’t be the plan, but it seemed to be until a park ranger came by and told them that dogs weren’t allowed on the trail. My hero! My rule-enforcing hero. I was able to sneak around the dog blockade and come to find the sweet spot on the path where I could pretend to be absolutely alone in the forest. It was very quiet and lush and still and green. I snapped many a photo, including ma piece de resistance, the turtle under the water. He practically posed for me on a rock.

All in all, very successful first hike.

Patience. How the hell do you channel that?! Help!

Good morning!!

When I started this blog, it was in the attempt to begin to channel the virtues of my lovely late grandmother. I do feel like the whole healthy living thing is coming along pretty well, but I am definitely still struggling with some of the more innate qualities.

How the hell does one nurture patience?!

I am a redheaded Sagittarius, so the whole patience thing does not come naturally to me. At all. I’ve happened to have a few different situations lately that have asked for it: relationships, family, professionally… and all in the last week? Now come on, how is that fair?

I need some deep breathing exercises, or some chants, or little bells or chimes I can sound that will snap me out of my rages. Talking to my bestie, she advised that often we don’t show our moods on the outside as much as we think we do. So that’s my question of the day: how do you, out there in Internet land, how do you calm yourself down when things start wearing down your nerves??

The Walk by Rainer Maria Rilke

My eyes already touch the sunny hill,
going far ahead of the road I have begun.
So we are grasped by what we cannot grasp;
it has its inner light, even from a distance –

and changes us, even if we do not reach it,
into something else, which, hardly sensing it, we already are;
a gesture waves us on, answering our own wave …
but what we feel is the wind in our faces.

Settling down.

I went to a bar last night to celebrate some birthdays of friends, and was thrown back in time to a younger version of myself. The band was good, don’t get me wrong, but my friends and I had laughed as they infallibly played all the songs we had predicted earlier that day. We had been in that spot, with that band, so many times before. I had an awesome evening: connecting with new friends and sharing a milestone. It was a riot.

This morning I wake up and think back on the comments my girlfriends and I made, balancing our evening out with comfy jammies and an early bedtime. When did that happen? My younger self would have closed the bar and not been burdened with a hangover the next day… But now, I find myself looking most forward to the weekends where only half the time is planned and the other half is spent cleaning my house or reading quietly. Is this a biologically motivated progression to domestication?

Although I know that teenage minds are programmed to be greater risk-takers and I understand that, I didn’t predict the come-down on the other side. I find myself surprised by my sudden ability to cherish my time alone, when as a teen I couldn’t manage even an hour. I now find myself happy to spend a quiet evening with DP and be a boring old couple when before I was terrified of being found out as boring.

This peace is incredibly pleasant. I hope that as I get older it will continue to grow. I feel so blessed to have found a partner who I can completely ignore under the same roof. I love my job and my coworkers, although I feel I have taken my share of lumps in order to get there…I appreciate and value the seasons and the space that comes with Canada and Ottawa living, and don’t feel insecure in my banal existence here.

However, ask me again tomorrow and we will see if it still holds true.

Celebration, joy, carefree abandon.

Have you ever thought about how fortunate children are, in the way they view the world and their place within it? As adults, it’s so easy to become jaded and cynical when interacting with our universe. I won’t go into the dreariness of the news, the economic instability of our 20s, the housing market, drugs and alcohol. We know it. This blog is supposed to be a space to escape that, to exact change, to rise above it and redefine our own reality.

Interestingly, when I think about how to maintain a cultural focus at this age, my approach often becomes more controlling. If I maintain a vigilence, I can pencil in exercise, cooking, reading, socializing, theatre, events, family. But yet, when I look at this photograph, it almost communicates the opposite. That liberation in finding joy in small places. It’s a bit of a zen in-the-present mentality that my uber-anal self has trouble with. I enjoy the company of others, laugh easily, and find pleasure in nurturing my relationships. I do believe I have spontaneous acts of generosity, and if someone is in trouble or needs a good listener, I will be there. However, beyond that, living in the moment seems elusive.

I guess part of the whole process is to learn what makes you happy, and indulge in what makes you joyful, and use that as your safe space. We don’t all need to meditate to find a stillness of the mind. I am reminded of my mother, who never goes to church but gardens passionately. She describes those times as peaceful, still, tranquil, and spiritual. My father is a stained glass artist, and his workspace is like a spritual retreat.

With this in mind, I challenge us to break free of our shoulds and will-somedays, and examine what little pleasures we already have. Give ourselves credit for finding some peace of mind where we already do. For me, reading a good book can have a transcendal effect, but I didn’t go to classes, or invest a lot of money, or do anything particularly revolutionary. Our personal spiritual revolutions can be a lot closer at hand!