Bravery.

 

There’s different kinds of bravery that happen every day, in a teeny way. There’s also big bravery that we see more visibly, but I have been more preoccupied with the little personal acts of bravery, where you defy yourself more than anything else. That’s sometimes the hardest kind, if we have preconceived ideas of what our limits and boundaries are…how to overcome those when no one challenges them regularly, that’s pretty hard. When no one calls on you to change, or to push yourself, why would you ever choose to do so.

To be brave requires a certain steely outlook; that this task will be completed at all costs. To accompany the act is calm, or an acceptance of things to come. Or is that true? Can you be brave while still kicking and screaming? Or does that minimize the act? I ask because in some instances I can be super calm and super focused and supportive , while other times I can be a real mess and need a lot of help myself. I can’t imagine that an attitude always negates the hard work a person puts into accomplishing something that is hard for them. That would discount too many personal triumphs and successes that were handled less than delicately. I think of my inability to ski without making grunting noises to stop. Never mind the bitching and moaning and blaming along the way.

Sometimes, the bravery is challenged by the low self-esteem, and the pressure we can put on ourselves to look confident in front of others when we are really really scared. As my brother says, sometimes it’s most important to go ahead and do it, but other times it’s important to listen to yourself and decide what is best for you. Sometimes it’s ok to relax and let go of something, and sometimes when you let go of something like that you save yourself having a temper tantrum. Other times, it’s the best time, as my brother suggests, to dig in and get busy and messy so that you can end up skiing down a mountain…it’s pretty complicated….

I am reminded of my grandmother, again the muse of this blog, who was brave for people when they couldn’t be. As a nurse, she was compassionate and present during palliative care, not one to shy away from difficult situations. She raised a family of 6 children. She volunteered and gave selflessly. Although she wouldn’t necessarily have made history books, she was a real hero and deeply brave. But then again, I never saw her ski…

These little moments, whether done gracefully or not, I think still qualify as bravery. Whether it be a single mom finding work or trying to make ends meet, or a child learning to swim, or someone tackling a financial statement analysis for the first time (taking wayyyy too long, p.s.), we are all making small acts of bravery all the time.

And yes, did you figure out I’m going on a ski trip this weekend?

FOMO — WTF?

So I know I’m starting to fall out of touch with the younger crowd when I learn about new slang from my Oprah Magazine. I didn’t mind learning YOLO from my brother, he’s younger than me and his girlfriend is even younger, so there’s an easy facilitation of new language there. But FOMO? This was news to me. If something doesn’t automatically put you up in the adult column, and the old fogey column at that, it’s musing, ‘Hmm, what are these kids coming to’ with your nose in your O. And in bed, at 9:30 pm.

Truth be told, this expression can be applied to anyone at any age. The “Fear of Missing Out” is what propels certain people to book several events in one evening, run around like a lunatic snapping selfies to prove all the places they’ve been, and then do it all over again the next day. These are the people who feel like if time is moving slowly it’s being wasted, if connections aren’t being made then they’re lonely/unpopular/boring etc, if they aren’t on the latest and greatest in language, fashion, scene-ster-ing (that was a bit of strecth sorry) then they’re a big nobody. I know people like this, don’t get me wrong, and I understand how this type of anxiety begins. I think if I wasn’t such a sleepy old lady, I would do more and be more places. Since I AM a sleepy old lady, I act upon little, but I keep the anxiety sometimes. However, because I have to wisdom of a sleepy old lady, and have been an early-to-bed kind of gal my whole life, I’ve had to learn how to get over the whole FOMO thing and fast.

Sometimes FOMO can creep back in, despite your infinite wisdom. For example, I used to have Facebook as an app on my phone because it was possible. Then I realized by having Facebook on my phone, which I rarely post to anymore cause, I guess I find it tedious? and less instantaneous? but anyway, all I was doing was seeing all the amazing times everyone was having travelling/finishing their uber-school/buying houses/making babies (they can have it)/getting married (jury’s still out on this one)/eating wild foods and looking tremendously sexy Alllll The Time. I can’t help my social comparison. I’m only human, right? And when I know that I sit in an office for 8 hours a day and have the same thing for breakfast every morning and have the upper body strength of a noodle, I can’t help feeling a little pale. Even just writing this I’m starting to feel a little down…. 🙂

The point is, when I clued into the fact that Messenger on FB was a separate app, and I could keep my communications with everyone without having to see everything all the time in the palm of my hand, I deleted the FB app on my phone and it was like……. whoosh! It was gone! No more FOMO! No social comparison! (Unless I’m on my desktop, of course haha) The liberation was incredible.

I remember a bestie of mine once telling me that she so admired my ability to say no to social events, and to prioritize, and take time for myself. When I was younger, I thought that those refusals of mine were bitchy, and I was putting myself out of touch, classic FOMO. That same bestie still congratulates me on the same behaviour, and now when she does it makes me puff up a little bit, like, yeah, I am in charge of my own self, and I’m not easily swayed by peer pressure or FB images or anything. Wherever I am and whatever I’m doing, is all right with me!

Celebration, joy, carefree abandon.

Have you ever thought about how fortunate children are, in the way they view the world and their place within it? As adults, it’s so easy to become jaded and cynical when interacting with our universe. I won’t go into the dreariness of the news, the economic instability of our 20s, the housing market, drugs and alcohol. We know it. This blog is supposed to be a space to escape that, to exact change, to rise above it and redefine our own reality.

Interestingly, when I think about how to maintain a cultural focus at this age, my approach often becomes more controlling. If I maintain a vigilence, I can pencil in exercise, cooking, reading, socializing, theatre, events, family. But yet, when I look at this photograph, it almost communicates the opposite. That liberation in finding joy in small places. It’s a bit of a zen in-the-present mentality that my uber-anal self has trouble with. I enjoy the company of others, laugh easily, and find pleasure in nurturing my relationships. I do believe I have spontaneous acts of generosity, and if someone is in trouble or needs a good listener, I will be there. However, beyond that, living in the moment seems elusive.

I guess part of the whole process is to learn what makes you happy, and indulge in what makes you joyful, and use that as your safe space. We don’t all need to meditate to find a stillness of the mind. I am reminded of my mother, who never goes to church but gardens passionately. She describes those times as peaceful, still, tranquil, and spiritual. My father is a stained glass artist, and his workspace is like a spritual retreat.

With this in mind, I challenge us to break free of our shoulds and will-somedays, and examine what little pleasures we already have. Give ourselves credit for finding some peace of mind where we already do. For me, reading a good book can have a transcendal effect, but I didn’t go to classes, or invest a lot of money, or do anything particularly revolutionary. Our personal spiritual revolutions can be a lot closer at hand!