Women’s Power.

This girl is absolutely amazing. If you have been raised as a woman and don’t feel that you’ve come across these issues before, I commend you, but I also think maybe you’ve been so well socialized you may not have asked all the questions you could have. Women’s apologetic, reticient, anxious selves have been socialized. We have been asked to minimize and constrain our needs and our weaknesses in order to afford the space and breadth and depth for those around us, whether they be partners, children, parents, whatever. Why do we see so many big-bellied men on TV with their slim sexy wives? Because that’s the expectation, that’s the standard to which each have to live up to. Men expand and women retract. Women are asked to make do with less agency, less power, less space, less autonomy, and for what? For why?
Why does it make a weak man to support a woman? Why does it make a weak woman to act like a woman sometimes? These are all questions raised in the poem, all truths we live in and live with. The differences between men and women do start early. I love her descriptions of her brother. I have a brother, and we have been brought up to put different kinds of pressures on ourselves, have different responsibilities towards others, fill different gaps.
I have one woman in my life who jokes sometimes that a life without a man is a life without compromise, and it’s true. You don’t get the same expectations when you have your own unapologetic space. It makes me think of Virginia Woolf’s A Room of One’s Own in 1928.

“A very queer, composite being thus emerges. Imaginatively she is of the highest importance; practically she is completely insignificant. She pervades poetry from cover to cover; she is all but absent from history. She dominates the lives of kings and conquerors in fiction; in fact she was the slave of any boy whose parents forced a ring upon her finger. Some of the most inspired words, some of the most profound thoughts in literature fall from her lips; in real life she could hardly read, could scarcely spell, and was the property of her husband.

It was certainly an odd monster that one made up by reading the historians first and the poets afterwards a worm winged like an eagle; the spirit of life and beauty in a kitchen chopping up suet.”

Celebration, joy, carefree abandon.

Have you ever thought about how fortunate children are, in the way they view the world and their place within it? As adults, it’s so easy to become jaded and cynical when interacting with our universe. I won’t go into the dreariness of the news, the economic instability of our 20s, the housing market, drugs and alcohol. We know it. This blog is supposed to be a space to escape that, to exact change, to rise above it and redefine our own reality.

Interestingly, when I think about how to maintain a cultural focus at this age, my approach often becomes more controlling. If I maintain a vigilence, I can pencil in exercise, cooking, reading, socializing, theatre, events, family. But yet, when I look at this photograph, it almost communicates the opposite. That liberation in finding joy in small places. It’s a bit of a zen in-the-present mentality that my uber-anal self has trouble with. I enjoy the company of others, laugh easily, and find pleasure in nurturing my relationships. I do believe I have spontaneous acts of generosity, and if someone is in trouble or needs a good listener, I will be there. However, beyond that, living in the moment seems elusive.

I guess part of the whole process is to learn what makes you happy, and indulge in what makes you joyful, and use that as your safe space. We don’t all need to meditate to find a stillness of the mind. I am reminded of my mother, who never goes to church but gardens passionately. She describes those times as peaceful, still, tranquil, and spiritual. My father is a stained glass artist, and his workspace is like a spritual retreat.

With this in mind, I challenge us to break free of our shoulds and will-somedays, and examine what little pleasures we already have. Give ourselves credit for finding some peace of mind where we already do. For me, reading a good book can have a transcendal effect, but I didn’t go to classes, or invest a lot of money, or do anything particularly revolutionary. Our personal spiritual revolutions can be a lot closer at hand!