Meg Jay argues 30 is NOT the new 20. Oops.

In another wonderful TEDtalk, Meg Jay details how it isn’t good enough to throw your twenties away because we’re told that we have an extra 10 years to work it all out. We still need to make informed, empowered decisions in order to create the life that we would want for ourselves.
My psychology background grooms me to love the idea of making impressions upon our psyche in terms of the patterns of the choices we make. We become entrenched in the same expectation of outcome at an early age and it can become nearly impossible to get out of. Or more realistically, the patterns are so familiar that we don’t even see these things as choices! If you carry credit card debt from an early age, you expect to be in debt your whole life. If you know that you’re never going to dig up out of debt, you continue to make frivolous purchases that keep you in debt. If you have the expectation that men will always be one thing and not everything, you make compromises with the men you date, never seeking out the guy that will offer happiness in more than one or two aspects, whatever they may be for you, and so on. I certainly have some self-fulfilling prophecies in my life! Do you? Could you identify them? would you ever want to?

Say What?!

Well folks, the moment is upon us. I somehow always thought it would never arrive. My first real girlfriend is having a baby. This blog post is not about her, I know she will make an amazing mother because she has always been a supportive and compassionate friend, so don’t worry, SH! It’s more than that. It’s the first indication that we are entering Act 2 of our lives: The Act in which we Beget an Act 1 of Another. Dear Lord, nothing will ever be the same.

I honestly feel happiness and pride for my girlfriend, and in truth I have, quietly, started enjoying little babies in the supermarket and finding wee ones with their little feet and hands and big eyes and cooing and giggling quite … adorable. Perhaps even once in a while I have stared a little too long. These feelings seem to well up from a place that isn’t my head or heart, but somewhere a little deeper, a little more biological. It’s totally weird. I never asked for these changes, but they happened anyhow. I don’t think I am quite at the point of maturity where I could truly live for another human, sacrifice everything of my own to nurture and raise another, but I see the distinct possibility in my future.

On the one hand, I am really grateful for someone to finally have taken the first bold step. I think it’s clear that I consider the 30s and 40s to be super fulfilling and that’s why I’m blogging in preparation and anticipation. I love security, I love family, I love responsibility (thrilling, I know). However, I feel the beginning of something bittersweet approaching, the era of being the parents, of being out of the loop, of being the people that the younger folk go out of their way to avoid. I fear that eventually we will end up being those that look silly in our favourite hangouts, be on the stinky end of eye-rolls, and have to give money out and out and out.

It’s a conflict for now, but I don’t think it’s a conflict for always, since it’s already a greater possibility than it used to be. I certainly could see myself with a little girl someday, drawing together or building a fort or doing homework together. I think it might be kind of sweet, as long as she always always thinks I’m young and hip and cool. That’s sort of where I’m at.